By Rafe Nauen – Family Constellation facilitator

Anna arrived at the workshop carrying a quiet sorrow. Her life looked full on the outside — two beautiful children, a loving partner, and a meaningful career — yet something felt missing. A persistent sadness lingered, and a subtle guilt seemed to echo through her relationships. During the constellation, Anna chose to explore the theme of loss. What emerged was a powerful revelation: her family system held a pattern of early deaths. A miscarriage she had experienced years ago. An abortion in her youth. A stillbirth her grandmother had never spoken of. As representatives stepped into the circle — for Anna, her living children, and the lost ones — a profound silence filled the space. These souls had never been acknowledged. Never mourned. Never given a place. With gentle guidance, Anna turned toward each of these lost children. She spoke words that had remained unspoken for years:

"I see you. You belong. You are part of our family."

The shift was immediate. The representatives who had stood in isolation softened. Anna herself felt a lightness she hadn’t known in years. The guilt began to dissolve, replaced by a quiet peace. By giving space to the unseen and unspoken, Anna’s constellation allowed healing to flow through generations. Her living children, too, seemed to flourish in the weeks that followed — as if the family system had realigned, and love could move freely once more. Her eldest son was now her third child (it feels different, that shift).

Why This Matters

In Family Constellation work, early deaths, including miscarriages, abortions, and stillbirths — often (perhaps always?) remain hidden in the family field. Yet their presence can deeply affect the living, creating patterns of grief, guilt, or disconnection. By acknowledging and honouring these souls, we restore balance.

We allow love to flow again. And we give everyone — seen and unseen — their rightful place.